We have had a few losses and a few new additions to our A.W.G. family and we honor those we have served and look forward to those we get to start loving!
Life seems to always be moving a bit fast.
So I have been working on being present.
I recently read an article once again by Judy Cornish about really how to be present while caring for someone with dementia. 3 ideas are presented.
It is about a 10 minute read. I hope you learn from it as much as I did. She also lists a few great book resources.
Feel free to share any thoughts, comments, or experiences you may have. We all learn or relate! Enjoy!
THE DAWN METHOD Let’s Talk About ABILITIES and Dementia What can people with dementia do?When we begin walking the dementia path—whether personally or as someone’s companion—understanding what we can do when experiencing dementia is more important than anything else. My single purpose in creating DAWN was to share what my clients taught me: the skills we keep in dementia.Remember: dementia is the condition of progressive cognitive impairment, not a condition of complete cognitive impairment. When we engage with people experiencing dementia only on the level of what they cannot do, we disable them even more—just as with anyone in any situation. We all benefit when we focus on each other’s abilities rather than disabilities. What can a person with dementia do? There are lots of blogs and articles about the activities that someone can still enjoy when they’re experiencing Alzheimer’s or dementia. We enjoy activities when we have the skills to succeed at them. If we understand the skills we keep in dementia, we’ll find even more enjoyable activities. But more importantly, we can personalize them.So these are the cognitive skills we do not lose to dementia, the ones that we get better at using because we’re losing the other skills we previously relied on. These become our strengths. They not only let us enjoy our lives, but thrive—if our companions know what they are. The strengths of dementia 1—Our intuitive thought processes Medical science tells us that people with Alzheimer’s or dementia are losing executive thought functions. That might be a helpful diagnosis for doctors, but it doesn’t help me understand how to enjoy spending time with someone who’s experiencing dementia. In layman terms, that means we lose the secondary set of thinking skills that enable us to make sense of information and get things done (called rational thinking: you can read more about this in Iain McGilchrist’s book The Master and His Emissary). In specific words, we lose the ability to see cause and effect (if I do this, that will happen), to prioritize actions or ideas (this is more important than that), to follow steps in a sequence (follow instructions), and to understand explanations (why I should or shouldn’t do something). But we never lose our primary thinking skills: our intuitive thought processes.In short, our intuitive thinking skills enable us to enjoy life, not to understand things. Intuitive thinking equips us to enjoy the present, but not to plan or put into action something to make it enjoyable. Intuitive thinking provides us with the ability to enjoy companionship, but not the ability to initiate conversations or remember what we used to do together. Intuitive thinking enables us to read our companions’ body language and expressions and tone in an instant, but not to understand the words we’re hearing them say.Intuitive thinking lets us receive and enjoy sensory stimulation—everything we can see, hear, taste, smell and touch—but not to find and get what appeals to us. When our caregivers realize what we’re able to do, they can take over filling our lives with what’s beautiful and fun for us, and the result is companionship and mutual enjoyment of the present. (In caregiver terms, that’s respite; for PLWDs, that’s wellbeing.) 2—Our experiential selves Yes, people with dementia are losing memory, but they are not losing the ability to experience the present. We have both remembering selves and experiential selves, (you can read more about this in Daniel Kahneman’s book Thinking, Fast and Slow).When I am with someone who’s experiencing dementia or Alzheimer’s and I stay fully present and enjoy the moment with them (this is called being mindful), we both have a wonderful time. They feel valued, accepted and satisfied—and so do I. It doesn’t matter that they won’t be able to recall what we did a day, an hour, or even a minute later. I can, and I can tell them about it as often as I like. What matters is that we had fun and the enjoyment of having fun together raised both our moods.Because I understand that dementia takes away our ability to access information from the past, I don’t expect my companions to know any of it. My accurate expectations free us both. If they need to know who someone is or what their relationship is, I tell them—respectfully and without concern. And because I understand that dementia leaves us fully present, in the present, I focus on companionship and finding what makes my companion’s heart sing. I make sure that their experiential selves are given lots of positive stimulation, and I don’t expect them to be able to recall it or explain it later. 3—The tools of mindlessness We’ve all heard about the value of mindfulness, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that mindfulness is good therefore mindlessness must be bad (you might read Ellen Langer’s book Mindfulness for more on this). Mindlessness provides us with two very helpful tools—whether we’re experiencing dementia or not. Muscle memory and automatic thinking scripts let us follow the steps of a task or go through the motions of getting something done without using rational thinking or memory. That makes mindlessness an invaluable asset to people who’re losing both those skills. These two tools let someone who’s losing rational thinking and memory skills continue to succeed at tasks like getting dressed or eating with utensils or finding the bathroom in the night and getting back into bed. Mindlessness keeps us functioning at a higher level for longer.However, mindlessness tools get broken if we interrupt the person or quiz them or move them to a new home. These tools are fragile and yet the best way to keep someone functioning at the highest possible level when they’re losing rational thinking and memory skills.When we are caring for people with dementia, our focus should be on what they can do, not on what they cannot do. Putting our focus on the strengths in dementia enhances companionship and lowers stress for all. And, it’s the least we can do. Judy Cornish
